Declarative language for PDA—made practical.
Reduce pressure, build collaboration. Gentle Ally helps caregivers generate respectful, low‑demand phrases for everyday moments—bedtime, school runs, transitions, and more.
What does it sound like?
- Demand: “Put on your shoes now.”
- Declarative: “I’m noticing the rain—shoes might keep our socks dry.”
- Demand: “Brush your teeth.”
- Declarative: “I wonder which toothpaste feels nicest tonight.”
How it works
Describe the situation. Choose tone and age range. Get three declarative options that avoid commands and invite autonomy.
"We're leaving the house; child is resisting coat."
Choose tone (curious, playful, sensory‑aware) and age band.
Get 3 concise options you can say right now. Copy with one tap.
PDA declarative language examples by age
Real-life, low-demand communication examples for PDA profiles, grouped by age bands.
Ages 3–6: declarative starters
- "I notice the bath water is ready; I'm bringing the pour cup."
- "I'm wondering if the blue pyjamas feel softer or the green ones."
Ages 7–10: declarative starters
- "I'm noticing the bus leaves in 10; I'm grabbing my shoes now."
- "I wonder which route to the car feels calmer today."
Free generator
Try it with one situation. The full app at app.gentleally.com adds profiles, favorites, and templates.
What is PDA?
A profile on the autism spectrum where everyday demands can trigger anxiety and avoidance. Declarative language reduces pressure and invites collaboration.
Why declarative language?
It removes commands. Instead, it shares observations, curiosity, and options—supporting autonomy and nervous‑system safety.
Who is it for?
Parents, educators, and therapists looking for practical, pressure‑reducing wording in real life moments.
Why I built this
I came up with this idea when I heard a family friend talk about how she uses AI tools to craft declarative language for her child with PDA. It just seemed like a lot of work to prompt and re-prompt stuff, so I said I could build something that might work better.
Gentle Ally is designed to be simple and practical—describe a situation, pick a tone and age range, and get three low-demand phrases you can use right away. No endless prompting. No trial and error. Just helpful starting points when you're in the moment and need the right words fast.
This tool is for parents, educators, and therapists who understand that PDA isn't about defiance—it's about nervous system overwhelm. I hope it helps you find gentler, more collaborative language, even on the hardest days.
— EJ, builder of Gentle Ally
FAQ
Is this medical advice?
No. Gentle Ally offers phrasing ideas and educational content. It does not diagnose or treat conditions. Always consider your context and professional guidance.
Is my data stored?
The demo endpoint does not save inputs. The full app lets you create profiles and favorites; those are stored securely and can be deleted by you anytime.
Will it always avoid commands?
Yes—the generator is tuned for declarative, non‑demand language with options and curiosity.
How do I start using declarative language with my PDA child?
Start small. Instead of "Put your shoes on," try "I notice it's raining—shoes might keep our feet dry." Share observations, express curiosity, and offer options instead of direct commands. The free generator can help you practice by giving you age-appropriate examples for real situations.
What's the difference between declarative and imperative language?
Imperative language gives direct commands ("Brush your teeth," "Get dressed"). Declarative language shares information and invites collaboration ("I'm noticing it's almost bedtime," "I wonder which toothpaste feels nicest"). Declarative phrasing reduces the perception of demand and supports autonomy, making it especially helpful for PDA profiles. Try the free tool to see examples.
Can declarative language help with meltdowns?
While declarative language can't prevent all meltdowns, it significantly reduces demand-related anxiety by removing the pressure of commands. By offering observations and choices instead of instructions, you help lower nervous system activation. Many parents find that consistent use of declarative phrasing leads to fewer escalations over time—though it's one tool among many in a low-demand approach.