A gentle companion for the everyday challenges of PDA parenting
Gentle Ally gives you instant, personalized declarative language phrases designed specifically for children with Pathological Demand Avoidance. Get the right words fast—no endless prompting, just practical support when you need it most.
Powered by AI that understands PDA profiles, autonomy, and nervous system safety.
Declarative language only works when it protects autonomy—it is not a tool to steer kids back to compliance. PDA children immediately sense hidden agendas, so lead with genuine choice, consent, and co-regulation.
Why I'm building this
I came up with this idea when I heard a friend talk about how she was using generic AI tools to craft declarative language for her child with PDA. It seemed like a lot of work—endless prompting and re-prompting just to get helpful phrases. I thought: what if there was a tool designed specifically for PDA families?
Gentle Ally is your companion for those challenging moments. Describe a situation and instantly get three personalized, low-demand phrases tailored to your child's age and your preferred tone. No trial and error. No learning complex prompts. Just practical support built on PDA expertise, right when you need it.
This tool is for parents, educators, and therapists who understand that PDA isn't about defiance—it's about nervous system overwhelm. I hope Gentle Ally becomes a trusted companion that helps you find gentler, more collaborative language, even on the hardest days.
This is just the beginning. I'm building out additional features to make Gentle Ally a more complete companion, including:
- Child Profiles – Save personalized preferences including preferred tones, strengths, sensory notes, and motivators for each child
- Voice Input – Hold to speak your situation and get instant transcription and translation
- Regulation Planner – Check how supported their nervous system is before giving instructions
- Screen Transition Helper – Swap in a regulator instead of just removing screens
- Visual Prompts – Simple visuals to reduce spoken demands
- First/Then Builder – Build quick visual sequences for transitions
- Safety Scripts – Gentle phrases for high-demand moments
If you have ideas or specific situations you'd like covered, please join the waitlist and share your thoughts. Your feedback will help shape Gentle Ally into the companion our community truly needs.
— EJ, builder of Gentle Ally
PDA declarative language examples by age
Real-life, low-demand communication examples for PDA profiles, grouped by age bands.
Ages 3–6: declarative starters
- "I notice the bath water is ready; I'm bringing the pour cup."
- "I'm wondering if the blue pyjamas feel softer or the green ones."
Ages 7–10: declarative starters
- "I'm noticing the bus leaves in 10; I'm grabbing my shoes now."
- "I wonder which route to the car feels calmer today."
What is PDA?
A profile on the autism spectrum where everyday demands can trigger anxiety and avoidance. Declarative language reduces pressure and invites collaboration.
Why declarative language?
It removes commands. Instead, it shares observations, curiosity, and options—supporting autonomy and nervous‑system safety.
Who is it for?
Parents, educators, and therapists looking for practical, pressure‑reducing wording in real life moments.
Autonomy-first learning
Declarative language belongs inside a wider accommodations plan—pair it with true choice-making, nervous-system safety, and caregiver self-reflection. These resources unpack what that looks like in daily life:
Low-Demand Parenting
Amanda Diekman's book outlines how to lower demands, rebuild trust, and use declarative phrasing alongside collaborative problem solving.
Explore the bookAt Peace Parents
Coaching, podcasts, and community stories focused on giving PDA kids genuine control over their pace, environments, and responsibilities.
Visit At Peace ParentsKristy Forbes
Courses and social content that explain why PDAers detect hidden agendas and how to center autonomy, co-regulation, and sensory safety.
Learn with KristyFAQ
Is this medical advice?
No. Gentle Ally offers phrasing ideas and educational content. It does not diagnose or treat conditions. Always consider your context and professional guidance.
Is my data stored?
Your email is stored securely through our email service provider. Once you have access to the full app, you can create profiles and favorites; all data is stored securely and can be deleted by you anytime.
Will it always avoid commands?
Yes—Gentle Ally is specifically designed to generate declarative, non‑demand language with options and curiosity built in.
Can I use declarative language to get compliance?
No. Declarative language is not a covert command—it only works when caregivers release control, share information transparently, and let the child choose the next step. PDA kids spot hidden agendas instantly; pair declarative phrasing with real accommodations, nervous-system safety, and resources like Low-Demand Parenting, At Peace Parents, or Kristy Forbes' work.
How do I start using declarative language with my PDA child?
Start small. Instead of "Put your shoes on," try "I notice it's raining—shoes might keep our feet dry." Share observations, express curiosity, and offer options instead of direct commands. Gentle Ally will help you generate age-appropriate examples for real situations when it launches.
What's the difference between declarative and imperative language?
Imperative language gives direct commands ("Brush your teeth," "Get dressed"). Declarative language shares information and invites collaboration ("I'm noticing it's almost bedtime," "I wonder which toothpaste feels nicest"). Declarative phrasing reduces the perception of demand and supports autonomy, making it especially helpful for PDA profiles.
When will Gentle Ally be available?
We're hoping to launch to our first beta users before the end of this year! Founding members on the waitlist will get first access. Join the waitlist to be notified when we launch.
Can declarative language help with meltdowns?
While declarative language can't prevent all meltdowns, it significantly reduces demand-related anxiety by removing the pressure of commands. By offering observations and choices instead of instructions, you help lower nervous system activation. Many parents find that consistent use of declarative phrasing leads to fewer escalations over time—though it's one tool among many in a low-demand approach.